I’m a writer, I swear

*takes deep breath*

I don’t even know where to begin. Talking to all my fellow writers out there, how many of you actually delete your browsing history regularly? Don’t lie.

Ahh, the life of a writer. Chock full of late nights and extra, extra large caffeine, among other things. Your face is illuminated by your screen as you go on a writing frenzy. Night time is the time where you normally come up with ideas because your brain just decides to function then (Most of the time for me, at least). You’re struck with inspiration and next thing you know, you’re rapping on the keyboard at 2 a.m because sleep is for the weak.

Writers’ minds are this weird, fantastical place that most people don’t understand. Once you become a writer, logic and sanity go out of the window. You’ve had times where you look at the person you hate and wonder if you can write them into your book, possibly as an antagonist or some annoying character, and give them a grisly end. Come on, that’s happened at least once.

It’s not always you find inspiration, unfortunately. One minute you can go all Bruce Almighty, overflowing with ideas and inspiration. You’re completely on a roll.

Next minute, you forget how to English.

One day, your brain forms paragraphs in a flow like, “She peered at her reflection in the mirror, at her sleepy, blue eyes. Her golden blonde hair seemed to have a mind of its own, with messy, untamed curls falling down her shoulder…”

Next day, it’s like, “She looked in the mirror and realized her hair looked like a bird’s nest.”

There is no in between.

It’s a matter of timing too. You come up with perfect plots, twists, settings and characters when you’re at work, or in the shower, or commuting. The second you sit down at your computer and decide to write, your brain becomes as blank as the screen you stare at. Sometimes you find inspiration in the most random of places. For example, someone says something that sparks an idea for a dialogue or plot in your head and you’re like..

Sometimes you’re barely able to squeeze out any words, whatsoever. Hello, writer’s block, my old friend.

Or rather, it’s less of a friend and more of an uninvited guest that barges into your house like it owns the place.

You have times when you look at your draft and think, “Hey, that’s nice. I’m actually a good writer.” Two weeks later, you re-read the same thing and realize it’s utter garbage.

You still find good things in the garbage though. It’s not all that bad.

Now I need to come to the important part of this blog post. The thing I started it with — browsing. Research.

I know research is a huge part of writing. You want to get the details right, you want to make sure the information you put in there is accurate, and even to learn new things. Even if you’re making up fictional worlds and fantastical beings, you still need loads and loads of research. It’s an obvious part of the job description. Your browser is overloaded because there are like fifty tabs open, and your history is filled with some… uh… interesting searches.

If you’re a crime writer like me, then those searches can get colorful:

• Types of stab/gun wounds
• Types of serial killers (yes, there are types)
• Name generator for places, characters, etc.
• Men’s hairstyles (Sigh… my books have more men than anything, so this one is infuriating. I want to get a close description of a particular hairstyle and often I don’t find it)
• How to get rid of a dead body
• Deadliest poisons
• Types of guns
• How to kill someone without leaving a trace

… and any more you’d like to add to this list.

I always think the NSA would have a field day looking at my browser history. It’s kinda complicated explaining to someone that I’m just a writer and not Dexter.

The internet is supposed to be the source for all information, and yet, I still never find the specific kind of information I want. The more detailed your searches get, the lesser results you get. I don’t even know how that works but yes, surprisingly, you can’t find everything. So, I’m either left searching for other ways to find what I want, or improvise. Mostly the latter. I change some stuff in my books to manage. I mostly make use of fictional cities within real countries so I can have some liberty. It does give me some leeway. Some.

Research is hard.

Sometimes you take your research to the next level and either consult an expert on the subject or try some of those things out yourself (Food, for example). We writers are on a different level altogether. Not everyone would understand. I do feel weird searching certain things on the internet even for research. I feel like someone’s watching me or something.

Writing is hard but writers are tough. So, kudos to all you guys. Just remember to clear your browser history or at least make sure nobody sees the more ‘interesting’ searches. If anyone does, just tell them–

I’m a writer, I swear.